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Ask Turdwords Volume 9 Ask Turdwords Volume 9  View all volumes
First off, I sincerely apologize for not getting to your questions sooner. It takes a fair amount of time to go through them and come up with some creative answers. I've been pretty busy with other endeavors of late and I haven't made enough time for Turdwords other than to validate the tremendous amount of words coming in.

So I deserve to be yelled at or have my Captain Happy flogged by an ugly Ramp Tramp wearing a spiked glove until I have a Blue Rod.

So on with this load of questions:

Fellas, With all your emphasis on spelling, can you learn to spell the word "masturbation"? There's a "u," not an "e" in there.
Jackie M; The Poconos
Sorry Jackie. Most of the words coming in have a ton of misspellings. I delete most of them if they have many (unless the word is funny) I usually don't bother to check mine either. So let's all get it together folks and instead of "masturbation" type in Stroking the one-eyed wonder worm

is there another meaning for kooter?
[email protected]
When I first saw your question, I figured, yeah, a kooter is a souther term for a woman's vagina, as in, "I really could go for some of her kooter!". However, I consulted the Turdwords dictionary and found kooter has already been defined. Let me know what you think it means to you, send me an e-mail and I'll patch the word.

Personally, I think it is one of those funny words that can mean just about anything to anyone, like the insipid word: inky.

Also, wasn't there a dude on Dukes of Hazard that was named "Kooter?"

How long does the word approval process take?
Anthony - Toledo, OH
About the time it takes for your pounder slime to dry.

Actually, I check the word log about twice a week, time permitting. If you don't see your word added within 5 days, it was't accepted.

Could someone please explain the meaning of the word 'cottaging'? It is term used in England I think to describe the practice of going to look for and practice homosexual acts in an outdoor environment (like behind a tree or bush). More clarification is needed.
Alex, Toronto
Sort of funny Alex, how a British word leaps across the Atlantic and someone in Canada picks up on it. I haven't heard of the word cottaging... perhaps one of our UK visitors could enlighten the rest of the world and forever be enshrined in the TurdWords Hall of Glory.

In the meantime try this for a few laughs: Chunky Buford.

you should take a look at your top 25 list, some goof named ColinC is making a mockery of it (just have to read the comments on his words). Nice site, too bad some people are to immature to participate. My suggestion is to reset his words to zero and remove the voting button on his words as well.
I love it. People abuse Turdwords, a goofy site about naughty words. While Colin C has submitted some fine words, including the infamous Nagasaki A-Bomb, if ColinC wants to abuse the site let him. It's silly but I'd like to think he (as well as you) have better things to do with your bandwidth than being concerned about the top 25 words on Turdwords. If ColinC jerks with the site, than he's a Jerk face, otherwise it could be a bunch of other people jacking around as well.

whats a bannana hammock
dean dublin
While banana hammock isn't exactly a turdword, I have to wonder when you are going to quit playing Dungeons and Dragons and come out of your dank basement, Dean? A Banana Hammock is a thong (most often yellow) that is very revealing, like a Bungee Chord. If worn on a man, it is considered Queer Gear and that guy should be avoided (unless that is your thing).

what is the linier equasion for spilled milk??
me, everywhere
Easy, assuming we are talking about manmilk! I bet you are wondering how to prevent the dreaded Shot in the dark. So here's the formula:


What is it called when you slap your balls onto a girl's forehead? I always thought that was tea bagging, but i see i might be wrong. Thanks Turdwords Jared
Jared from Texas
You are right in your assumption that a Tea Bagging is not when you touch your balls to a chick's forehead. I did some research for you and found some words that might describe your action:

However, I think your action most closely resembles the Canadian Helmut

What is the turd word for a woman with big breast and no butt?
Steve, Miami
If I had to find a word, I'd probably say it was Mommy Bags. Usually when referring to a mother, I envision a women talking about her sagging boobs with her not-so-curvaceous ass. So Turdwords, henceforth declares that the word "Mommy Bags" should be used to represent a woman with big breasts and no butt.

What exactly does this mean: A prostitute offers services of French (oral) Greek (anal) and Russian. What the heck is Russian?
I haven't heard Russian before but what comes to mind is "Russian Roulette". Also "Vodka". So I suppose Russian could mean pouring vodka on your prostitute's quim and then performing a Flaming Amazon.

It also could mean that you are going to be playing with danger with a Russian prostitute. So you could wind up with fancy germs, or a Smashing Blumpkin or a fantastic hummer.

Hey, well i'm looking for a term or phrase to describe a girl sucking your cock which just came out of her pussy while she takes a piss on the toilet. I just experienced this with some piece of trash and my friends and I need to have a clever way to refer to it in front of her so we can laugh at her. Can anyone help me with this dilemma? Thanks.
rob from new york
Wow, dude, sounds like someone got lucky the other day with a major Jizz Wizz. I consulted the master dictionary and couldn't find a word that was exactly what happened.

Jumping at the chance to help our Rob and became famous, I racked my brains in search of a new word. It is similiar to a Sludgelick and a blumpkin.

How about this: Leaky, Greasy Super Blumpkin

If you can think of something better, definitely send it my way.

Nice work Rob!

I still have a bunch of other questions to do, but for now, I've punched out a mighty lot of questions. I have to play with my Cruddy Buddy for now.


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