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Our mailbag was overflowing this time around, as it bulged around the seams I felt like giving it a pity fuck and unleash its burgeoning load. As always, if you have any questions you'd like us to answer please send them to: Ask Turdwords

Now on to this week's questions.

Why wont my words come out like "Plastic sex toy"
Evan mass
Once again, we've got another genius who sends us words that basically define a celebrity. Not smart Evan, more like Dumbiss. Our lawyers have recommended we do not include words that use celebrity's names. The topic of why my word wasn't validated has been beaten to death. People are as tired of reading this crap and feel like they are getting a mental elastic death grip.


- Eddie

Why isn't there a web site called turdbasket.com?
floppy sack, arkansas
Don't know, got an idea for what turdbasket.com would be like? Think you could get advertising for it? Go for it, or better yet, send me your idea and I'll do it. Either way turdbasket sounds like a great turdword to me.

Submit it!

Perhaps this is a turd basket?

Turd Basket?

- Eddie

are you gay?
Evan MA
You've been busy Evan and have a most inquisitive mind...

At turdwords we have a don't ask - don't tell policy. We don't care if you are a major Anal Conquistador, Faggot master, or on a life long quest to find the perfect Cock Chieftain (even if she is a Slut Mongrel). We'll even accept your garden variety metrosexual at the offices.

The big question I want to know, Evan, is why you care or are you trying to get into my Smokestack?

- Eddie

what is the meaning of laydown area with respect to hazardous area classification
sam & nigeria
Easy and great question! I love it when I get a great question!

In plain English and for the rest of our undereducated visitors, Sam is referring to getting laid in a dangerous area: school, office, in public. The more likely you are to be caught, the more hazardous the area is. So next time you decide to play Tonsil Hockey with the local Jizz Wizz, count the number of people you hear and multiply that number by 2. Count the number of people you can see, but they cannot see you and multiply that number by 5. Add those two numbers together and viola, you've got your sex score. If you get caught, however, you lose all your points.

- Eddie

need a good word for dead person. any ideas?
eric in peoria
How about stiff, corpse, mung, carcas, body, husk, deceased, skeleton, skin sack... Why? You thinking about putting an ad in the paper and looking for someone to do a New England Corpiscle with or are you the one who submitted Rusty Carcas (if so, you need to be incarcerated).
- Eddie

A few of my friends are complete assholes. Im planning to use a few of the ComputerPranks (one of your advertizements) on them, but that just isnt enough. I cant softserve in their bedrooms or upperdeck their toilets, and I most definately cant do something so outrageous as the Hitler. Could you suggest a few more subtle things that I could do on a frequent basis? Maybe you could list some good foods to give them an Air Buffet
Joe, Mount Vernon Ohio
Definitely use the pranks found on ComputerPranks.Com. They have a ton of great ideas and harmless pranks you can pull on your friends's computer. Also, don't forget the fine folks at Prank Place.

Here's some more harmless jokes you can do, courtesy of me:

  • Invite your friends over for some food. For desert, give them a Dusty Sundae. You'll be laughing to yourself as your friends chomp down your farticles.
  • Try to hit up one of your buds in a chat room. Pose as a chick and see if you can get him to take a picture of his baby boner.
  • Put letters in his locker from a secret admirer. You'll need to write like a girl on this one. Go from slut pup to a pop tart over the course of a month or so. Get him jacked up and say you want to have him and one of his bud's do an Eiffel Tower with him. See who he picks. Remember, subtleness is the key to pulling this one off. (Believe it or not, I pulled this on some chick in high school. I look back and feel bad about it -- well maybe not so bad... she was a real Hog-bitch).
  • Buy some TurdTwisters put some fudge or chocolate frosting around the edges and bring them over to your friend's house. Pretend to "discover" them and accuse your friend of being a Turd Twister
  • You can always check out the fine gags at Farts.Com. They have all kinds of gimics that'll make your friends blow stinky air through their Poop Tunnel.

Finally, you may want to see a shrink.... if your friend's treat you as bad as they do you have to ask yourself why you keep hanging around with them.

- Good luck Eddie

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