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Well, another episode of Ask Turdwords is upon us. Here I am, on a Friday night, freshly baptized in wisdom and knowledge after a half hour of Wheel of Fortune, ready to use my wit to answer all of your questions.

I want to try anal sex with my girlfriend. Any tips you can offer a first timer?
Okay, Jerry, I am assuming you've atleast gone all the way with your chick and you are finding yourself going through the motions of exciting sex. You need to spice it up and you've heard the oft traveled Route 422 is the way to go. Best of all, you've heard right. So here is Turdwords guide to better anal sex:
  • Have your chick take a shower. This will certainly clean out any Butt Chunks she might have. Nothing ruins a good session of butt sex when you are going up her Mudd Whistle and run into an Ass Berg. We recommend using a douche as well.
  • Be sure you use an ample supply of Rim Grease. If you are fresh out, you may have to resort to using a Love Loogie.
  • Go slow! Especially if this is the first time for her. I know you are probably choking at the bit to start a Ripe Cherry Season, but if you want a repeat performance, you are going to have to go slow.
  • Be sure to tell her how awesome it is. Get her input as well... you may find yourself being the The Router Rooter, but it's all cool.
  • If you can't blow your load in there, no matter what, don't do an ATM. If you care about your girlfriend you are going to have kiss her at some point and the thought of her Smoking your pink cigar after anal sex is repulsive.
  • If anal sex isn't doing it for you, you may want to try a Bucking Bronco. It's all the rage in Texas I hear.
We wish you the best of luck. Let us know how it goes and send some photos of a creampie.

We submitted the words "Hump & Dump" & "Snack & Jack". We have moved websites, could you please list us as TheVegasHustler.Com instead of VEGASHUSTLER.com Thanks
Hump & Dump and Snack & Jack are two fine words. Thanks for the submission. However, what's the deal with us promoting your website? What do we get out of it?

Come on, throw a small amount of Chump Change our way and we'll rotate your banner on our site! Look, we get over 20K page views a day and tons of visitors and we can't find jack for advertising. Help us a little, we are tired of eating at the y.

Or maybe you could just arrange a raging party for us in Vegas with lots of free Pole Humpers.

Why didn't you post "Welding the pipe?" That word is very original and hell of a lot better then the other crap that miracously gets through. Please respond why you didn't post it. Thanks
Brett in Destin
I've beaten this subject to death Brett. I can't remember why I deleted it. More than likely it had gross mispellings, just was plain stupid or I was in a bad mood. I can't remember. Try it again -- if it doesn't appear after that it's not going to get on.

I wana no if i buy a wireless camera and place it in my basement or backyard, can i see whats happening in my basement/outside on my computer without retreving the camera and getting a disk~
Sure. We had some great fun with this one. We bought a wireless camera and installed it in a staffer's computer room. Everytime he came home and powered on his machine, the camera would fire up and take pictures of him on his computer. Deal was, this dude was into porn. Big time! So it was funny watching him doing the 5 knuckle shuffle at his Masterbation Station.

Just be sure to read the manual before use.

That's it for me this week. Have a fantastic week and keep the questions coming.


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