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Do you have a personal problem or question that is plaguing you? Send it to Turdwords and we'll get one of our experts to answer it for you!

Now on to your perplexing questions...

I've submited the "bill [some polish name]" like 9 times and you keep shuttign it down... why?
WENIS Wisconsin
(I left the spelling intact on this guy's question.)

Once again, we've got another genius who thinks it would be great to submit someone's name and hopefully see it on turdwords. I suppose there is a thrill in doing a google search for someone's name, finding it on TurdWords and seeing a derogatory definition next to it. My bet, Wenis, this Bill guy is your principal, the husband of a G.I.L.F. you are interested in, or maybe your favorite ass bandit.

Either way, my bet is this Bill [polish name] will someday write us at Turdwords and complain. He'll probably have a lawyer who's more slick than a greasy donut. Guess who's on the hook -- you and me Wenis. We don't want that, hence your word went to data heaven.

Besides, your definition tanked.

- Eddie

When can we see the full video of RJ, the editor, doing that thing on the floor?
Someone, Somewhere
RJ doing cock pushups on the floor

Sorry, we doubt this one will ever be released. The size is huge: 22 megs. Our ISP would kill us. Trust, us, however, it is hilarious. Basically, RJ went to a car / rap show and there was some rap band starting to do their thing. We'll, RJ got into the mood and started doing his dirty jive. Keep in mind, this was in front of dozens (if not hundreds of people).

Either way, by the end he was doing cock pushups on a concrete floor. The crowds reaction was hilarious. We also have a video of him doing the same thing at Las Vegas Caesar's Palace.

I'll talk to him and see if we can't release a mini version of him doing his thing, but my guess: don't hold your breath.

- Eddie

We have a problem with an evil neighbor in our street, he throws beer cans of urine, plastic bags of shit, and other trash into our garden, and around our garden gate, if he wants to take a piss he comes out on his front door and pisses on the doorstep. He also insults us every day, and makes disgusting comments about us to other residents in our street. What can we do to get revenge on this evil old bastard?
Carly & Glen from Wales U.K.
I suspect you are looking for me to provide some ingenius way of making this old Backwoods Bastard reform. However, it's 2004 now, and with all the trouble in the world, we at Turdwords.Com are working towards a more peaceful world. Besides, my intuition is telling me that your evil neighbor is looking to be accepted. He's probably a turdwords.com addict in the making -- he just hasn't discovered it yet.

Here's my suggestion, get together some salsa, chips, a rubber mat, a bit of rim grease and a few other neighbors and break this guy in. Invite him over and show him our site. Be sure the environment is pleasant, some soft music, your wife dressed nicely, etc. Say this, "Hey [bum's name here], check out this word... butt fiesta. What do you think, up for a little action tonight?"

If that isn't for you, try feeding him some ookie cookies after a quick game of creamo.

I am thinking he's going to go for it. He'll probably be drunk and if he is pissing in cans and throwing them in your yard, his sense is probably a bit daft. If you can, sneak in an Eiffel Tower.

Afterwards, while enjoying the chips, you can suggest opening a partnership for a European division of distributing Minnesota popsicles. Maybe you can call them, "Siberiacicles." They are a big hit here in the United States.

If all goes well, he'll be your best friend. There's money to be made and buttfiesta.com is available.

If that doesn't work, move, get a dog, or call the police.

Desert after a butt fiesta!
The after affects of a butt fiesta!
- I did my best, Eddie

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