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Here at Turdwords, we are going to tell you how to make your little corner of the world,
the best and ultimate place to
Punch your Clown.
First off, you need a well-secured area (i.e. a lock) to protect your
Masturbatoreum.
You certainly do not want to end up
on a website like this:
Guy busted wacking off (Not Work Safe).
Your lock needs to be as sturdy as an Olympic gymnast's ability to perform an
Iron Maiden on you.
Next, you've got to have a killer rig. It doesn't take much to turn your average computer
into a killer porn renderer. The most important aspect is your screen. You need a flat screen monitor (at least 19").
not like this this punk's 1985-era
crap setup (Not Work Safe).
You also need a fast internet connection. If you are going to elevate yourself
over the common 16-year-old porn pirate, your
going to need DSL or better. Ditch that 14.4 modem, pronto.
Next, you are going to need a little
jerk jam. Just about anything will do.
A little Vaseline, hand lotion, or even some left over bacon grease. Keep an ample
supply of the Weenie Grease on hand, as you
don't want to wind up with a case of
Marathon wrist. Nothing spells
desparate like direct evidence of a major Pud-whacker as
dry skin below the belt.
Every pud whacker needs something
a place to shoot his Cock Barf.
Make sure you have an ample supply of spanky hankies, whether
you use tissue or an old cock sock, just make
you have plenty! Nothing is worse than letting loose on your keyboard and have a disgusting
case of sticky keys. Also, for godsake,
clean up when you are done... make sure there is no tell-tale signs of having a
web cold.
Every bloke knows what it's like to have the internet go down. So make sure you have a healthy supply
of back up material. Just like what your dad did, reach for some
Ceiling Porn:
a Playboy, Penthouse, or even my favorites, FHM or
Maxim!.
So there ya have it. Next time be prepared and enjoy your next
Wankathon in Turdwords style!
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